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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24798217">Brightly Above</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamtraassshh/pseuds/iamtraassshh'>iamtraassshh</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Drug Use, F/F, Sad with Sad Ending, Suicide, lot of angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:26:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,114</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24798217</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamtraassshh/pseuds/iamtraassshh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff"><p>Hope you enjoyed! Comments make my day, just saying</p></div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Marya Dmitryevna Akhrosimova/Elena "Hélène" Vasilyevna Kuragina</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Brightly Above</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>“</b>
  <span>Hélène</span>
  <span> I want you out of my house. Now.” If Marya knew what would come from those words, she wouldn’t have said them. But at the moment she felt it was the right thing to say, </span>
  <span>Hélène had shown up drunk at her door again and this time her goddaughters were home. Marya wasn’t mad at Hélène, she just didn’t want her to meet her goddaughters like this. Of course, Hélène didn’t see it that way. Hélène thought that Marya had gotten sick of her, everyone does eventually when they realize how many struggles her pretty face hides. And if Marya was sick of her, who was left? Her parents hated her, her brothers had been MIA for months, her “friends” only cared about her money and now Marya was done with her. So she had no one. And what was the point of anything if she had no one? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stumbling through her house to the bathroom mirror, Hélène didn’t recognize herself. Didn’t recognize the blotchy cheeks, the messy hair, the smudged eyeliner. But most of all she didn’t recognize the look in her eyes, devoid of all light and joy, just pained and tired. She couldn’t remember ever feeling like this, so bitterly alone. She hated this feeling more than anything that’s ever happened to her. Anything else she could usually block out with alcohol or sex, but not this. This was years of built-up repressed pain and feelings that were rushing to the surface without any way to stop them. Well, Hélène thought, there’s one way. Still standing in the bathroom, she opened the cabinet and took out her father’s pill bottle. She wasn’t sure what they were or what they did but she knew what would happen if she took too many. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Part of her said she was being drunk and dramatic, the other part didn’t care. She wasn’t just doing this because of Marya, she was doing this because she felt she had no one. If there was one thing Hélène hated, it was loneliness. Growing up in a big house with parents who were always gone, an older brother who hated her, and a younger brother she basically had to raise caused her to hold people who she thought actually cared a little too close. So when they left, it hurt way more. But it never hurt more than it did right now because leaving or getting tired of her was something she expected from everyone except Marya. Marya swore she’d always be there and until tonight she was. She still remembered the first time she’d cried in front of Marya. Hélène had shown up at her door drunk, much like tonight and while she expected scorn or annoyance, she was only met with concern and kindness and it touched her so much the tears started erupting out and Marya wrapped her arms around her and held her till she fell asleep and was still there when she woke up. That was what she thought she’d get but instead, she’d gotten anger and coldness and not a glint of kindness in those icy blue eyes she adored so much. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Hélène walked to the living room, still holding the pill bottle. Even if Marya was mad at her, Hélène wanted to give her a goodbye. She thought about calling her, but that would just make Marya come over and pretend that she still loved her. She wasn’t going to make her do that anymore. Hélène took a deep breath, grabbed a pen and paper, and began to write: </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Marya, I know you’re mad at me and I know you’re sick of me but don’t worry, I won’t make you deal with me anymore. I want you to know that I love you so much, darling. I know you don’t love me anymore, that’s what always happens, feelings fade and people leave. It’s not your fault, I know I’m unlovable in the long term. But I’d like to think we had some good times, and that at one point, you did love me. Might be wishful thinking, but I really hope it’s true.  Rember when we were at that bar and some dude was staring at me so you grabbed me and kissed me until he went away? I think that was the day I truly fell in love with you. I don’t know when you fell in love with me but I think you did. I know you’d call me a drama queen for doing this but now that you’re sick of me I legitimately have no one left. Honestly, I’m not sure if anyone will realize that I’m gone, or if anyone will find me. But I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for wasting your time, sorry for making your life harder and I hope you find someone good to love because you deserve it. If you’re going to blame yourself for this, don’t. Blame everyone else. You made me the happiest I ever was and I’m not going to lie, this would’ve happened sooner without you. Now that I am without you though, I can’t take it. Sorry if this is short, we both know I’m not the best with words, but as long as you know that I love you so much, that’s enough.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>                                                                                                                Goodbye my dear- Hélène</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hélène rolled up the paper and set it on the table next to her. She took a look around the room and moved closer to the mantel. Most of the pictures on it were her family, fake smiles plastered on their faces, and coldness in their eyes. There was one of her and Anatole, smiling big, real, joyful smiles, he had his arm around her and was giving a peace sign with his other hand. She wished Anatole were here, then she might feel less alone. There was none of her and Marya, father would never allow it. She pulled out her phone and looked at the lock screen, it was a picture of her and Marya, she was on her tippy toes kissing Marya on the cheek and Marya had a soft grin on her face. She placed her phone on the mantel with the picture of her and Marya still up, a small final act of defiance. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hélène took a deep breath and emptied the bottle into her mouth until she had consumed all of its contents. Within minutes, she was gone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next day, Marya visited Hélène’s house, to apologize and explain why she turned her away at the door. The only thing louder than her scream when she saw Hélène’s lifeless body was her sobs when she read the letter. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you enjoyed! Comments make my day, just saying</p></blockquote></div></div>
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